doc: consolidate -j information for make #12437
                
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Our docs contain a mixture of
make -j4,make -j8, andmakewithouta
-joption at all.Standardize on not specifying a
-joption, but include information inBUILDING.md(where people are likely to be looking the first time theybuild Node.js) about setting
-j, including the possibility of usingMAKEFLAGS.Checklist
Affected core subsystem(s)
build doc meta